Herald Columnist Named to Prestigious Position (But Don't Tell Anyone!) by Jack Cawthon under COLUMNS

For those of you who have missed me, and I'm being somewhat optimistic, I have been in Big Puf handling a rather important assignment. I was named Publicity Director for the Big Puf Orange Roughage Catfish Festival. No sooner was I awarded the prestigious title, than Okey Hanshaw, director of the Tri-Holler Chamber of Commerce, approached me and told me not to tell anyone about the upcoming Festival.

For some reason this sounded much like the job I once had at a leading mental institution in Morgantown, only there I was dealing with chickens and their waste products, but aside from my bosses, I was overly restricted with what could be announced to the public.

I told Okey that I thought the purpose of all the festivals that I knew of, and there is one for about every topic one can name and some I can't, was to bring in money, especially from tourists, into the community.

He said that was the very reason not to tell anyone. Although, the money is nice, always some of the outsiders viewed the Big Puf region as the good, laid-back place to stay and settle in. He said aside from talking funny, they always wanted to change things, like pave the streets, put in sewers, install street lights, always proclaiming that country life was great if only there were city conveniences. As a long-time resident of the Yuppie Lake community, I knew wherefore he spoke. Although we live six miles from Morgantown, there were recent talks of incorporation with that city, I kid you not.

So, with an important title and nothing to do, I felt I was right back on the Payroll, and I must admit that it felt refreshing back doing what I could always do best.

READ the rest and catch a glimpse of the Orange Roughage under COLUMNS