By Jack Cawthon 2017
Note: There has been a lot of talk about fake news recently. Believe me, it is out there.
Cable news, talk shows, your local channels, the media everywhere can't be trusted. The
fake news to take the trophy for the most unbelievable event happened only recently and
it was so absurd that I could never understand how anyone could be taken in by it.
Briefly, it centered around a fat, old man with funny hair who has billions of dollars and
who hosted TV reality shows, staged beauty contests and seemingly messed with
contestants, who favored Putin, the terrorist in charge of Russia and who openly
admired the Russians greatly, who called for building a wall around our southern
borders with Mexico, who has investments all over the world, including Russian
affiliates, and who became president of the United States after losing the election by
three million votes. Fake news! So sad!
Now, after all this, don't tell me you can't trust what you read here in the Herald. Did I,
especially, a dedicated columnist, ever lead you astray?
Trust me, and don't tell me you
have heard this before, as Nixon lied!! Now to a story that you will read only here in the
Herald, as we don't intend to share with the fake media! You betcha!
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RUSSIANS HACK HUR HERALD
I received an urgent call some days ago from Arley Cleeter in Big Puf. He desperately
wanted a meeting with me and wouldn't disclose any details over the phone as he felt the
line wasn't safe from bugging.
I don't like the travel to Big Puf in winter time, but as Arley led me to believe I owed it to
my journalistic dedication and most certainly to my role as a loyal American to put
selfish comfort aside and come listen to his revelations.
Am I ever glad that I did! Because at long last I discovered why Arley had come to Big
Puf. It was the perfect place for his clandestine operations for the government, reaching
into its highest levels, some as high up as the ninth floor in one instance!
Arley arrived in Big Puf as a sort of migrant hippie type from Pennsylvania. He
established residence in an old Pratlow tumbled down cabin, but gradually began to fit
into the Big Puf way of life, which in itself was strange as he didn't try to change it,
unusual for most outsiders, especially from the progressive northland.
He took a bit of getting used to. He burned books for his winter heat and he put up one of
those little satellite dishes, which he said enabled him to reach out to his friends by
computer email.
The rest of the folks in Big Puf with computers had tried relying on land
lines, which were generally out and had found that the speediest way to send emails was
to type them out, print them, and then drop them in addressed envelopes at the nearest
post office. Hershel Pratlow has always maintained that computer problems for hill
folks will not be solved from what is called Broadband. "You cain't squeeze a broadband
into a narry holler," he exclaims, "them egets don't know their optics from barbed ware!"
But I digress.
But as Arley continued to fill me in I began to understand the perilous situation we had
faced from a foreign power. The Russians had been conducting surveillance for some
period of time, he said, and he had only recently discovered that the hacking of the
Hur Herald on several occasions had been to discover what had long baffled the Russians: the
exact location of Big Puf, a secret which Arley credited to me in my efforts to protect the
residents from contamination of the outside world, but which, in turn, appeared to the
Russians to be a ruse to hide a secret government project.
The other vital information the Russians desired was the exact purpose of the Bear Fork
Wilderness area and a so-called hunting club, which to the Russian mind could only be a
paramilitary front for secret training forces such as the elite Seal Teams.
Their satellites
flying over the thousands of acres of Bear Fork could not detect the activities they felt
certain were taking place. Therefore, they turned to the Herald hoping to intercept
personal messages made by Bob Weaver, who they felt was high in the structure, being
made an honorary member of the group years ago.
In this respect, the Russians may have interfered in the recent election in which Weaver
was defeated for his re-election bid as county commissioner, Arley confided, in the hopes
that he would devote more attention to the Bear Fork activities. In fact, Weaver is
preparing a book devoted to the Bear Fork operatives, which the Russians believe is only
to cover up the real existence of the group. Therefore, the hack into the Herald computer
system hoping to discover secrets that Weaver may have left in it.
As I disclosed this plot by the Russians to Weaver, he sheepishly replied that he might
have been a "bit careless" in his personal correspondence. However, he denied any secret
association with any organization that would attempt to conduct secret training in the
Bear Fork region for government activities of any sort.
"Are they armed?", I asked," and
if so what is that purpose?"
His reply was "to hunt panthers, alligators, and hyenas" that are rumored to inhabit the
Bear Fork wilderness. Then, he winked at me. I knew then I was coming close to
knowledge that should be sheltered.
And so I salute such loyal Americans as Arley Cleeter, Bob Weaver, and the forces
making up the Bear Fork "Hunting Club." They are the dedicated people serving on the
front lines that can only make America great again!
(Addendum: If you believe this is fake news please Tweet it so thousands of others may
read it. Help make the Herald great again!) | 
