Calhoun County's own Gary Buchannon was caught lying again at the 2000
Vandalia Gathering, held at the State Capitol Complex in Charleston.
You may read Gary's "story" below and judge for yourself.|
Reprinted from Goldenseal Magazine
Spring 2001 Edition
Liars Contest Gary Buchannon (Third Pace Winner)
Howdy, you all, I'm sure glad that I'm here, and I'm sure glad you're
here, too. I'm pretty glad they
got this West Virginia air-conditioning going, ain't you? Don't worry
about what this fellow told you
my name was because I lied to him.
I'm going to tell you something here today that's going to be very
sad. So, if you all want to get out
your hankies now just go ahead because it's terrible. I'll wait on
I raise hogs. Anybody else out here raise hogs? Well, if you did,
you'd know me because I raise
the best hogs in the whole state of West Virginia. The reason I raise
such good hogs is cause I treat
them so nice.
Well, I don't keep them penned up in the barn. I don't even have a
small pen for them. I got a
gigantic plot for them to run in. It's an acre, it's two acres, it's
probably five acres big for all these
hogs to run in. And they can go out in the woods and lay down if they
want to. They can come in
and get cool. They can lay in the sun. They can make a big wallow.
They can do anything they
want and that's why they're the best hogs in the whole state of West
Two years ago, I took a couple of these hogs down there to the State
Fair, and I won every
medal, every ribbon, every award there was there at the State Fair.
If you see Governor
Underwood, you ask him. If he says he don't remember, well, you know
there ain't nothing worse,
especially in the State of West Virginia, than an honest politician.
I was going to take a couple more of them hogs down there last year,
but...here comes the sad
part...they all died. You don't think that's sad, all my hogs dying?
Well, you're not going to believe
There in Calhoun County where I live, I have this little farm and we
have some of the strangest
weather last summer you ever seen anywhere. Well, it just wasn't in
Calhoun County. It was just
on our farm. Well, no, it wasn't just on our farm, either. It was
just on that hog lot. How big did I
say that hog lot was? Just on that five acre hog lot. One day,
daylight to dark it would rain. Now,
not one of them flooding, toad-strangling rains like you get
sometimes, just a nice gentle rain all day
long. And, durned, if the next day at sun up, the sun would come out
bright, not a cloud in the sky
and the sun would shine all day long. It would get 80, or 90, or it
would be 100 degrees them
days. One day it would rain and the next day it would be sun. It just
went on and on and on, all
summer like that, rain and sun, rain. Just on that hog lot, now.
I noticed one day them hogs was all getting just a little ball of mud
on the ends of their tails. Now,
in Calhoun County, we got red clay mud. When it bakes, it bakes hard.
I didn't think nothing of it
because I figured them hogs would get around on it.
Then I noticed them balls starting to get bigger. One day I went out
there and there was a ball on
the tail of one of them hogs must of been as big as a softball. So, I
took that hog in the barn, and I
put that ball of mud up on an anvil and I hit it with a sledgehammer.
It didn't even bust it. As a
matter of fact, it probably broke...yeah, it did. It broke the handle
- brand new oak handle - right
out of my sledgehammer.
And I didn't know what to do. So I started calling people. I called
down here at Charleston. You
might as well call anyplace else as to call down here and ask for
some information, I can tell you
And the balls of mud on them hog's tails just kept getting bigger and
bigger and bigger every other
day. And I was at a loss as to what to do. When I was down at the
State Fair, I met some people
from all the world. Did I tell you them hogs was the best hogs in all
the world? Okay, I just wanted
to make sure I got that cleared.
Now, I started calling all over the world to get information on how
to save these poor hogs, and
them balls of mud just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. One
day I went out there and they
was the size of a, well, basketball. No, not a basketball, they was
as big as a bushel basket. And I
didn't know what to do. The next morning when I got up, I went
outside and every one of them
hogs was dead. You don't think that's sad, do you?
Well, let me tell you what happened. Them balls of mud got so big
that it stretched the skin on
them hog's bodies so tight that it pulled their eyelids right open
and every one of them hogs died
from lack of sleep. And that's the truth!