|By David Hedges, Publisher|
The Times Record-Roane County Reporter
Thursday, August 20, 2015
It must have been a dream. It had to be. There could be no other explanation for it Well, except for perhaps... no, it couldn't have been real.
I was sprawled out on the couch at the beach house we had rented for our summer vacation the first week of August.
I had my feet firmly propped up ON the coffee table, with something cold to drink close by.
A pillow off the couch was lodged comfortably between my head and the wall behind me, or at least as comfortable as I could be on someone else's furniture. I'll admit, I did miss my recliner.
The TV remote was right where it was supposed to be, firmly in my grip, where no grandchild would dare to try and pull it loose. It didn't matter. The grandkids were off somewhere else having fun, not about to be bored to death by whatever Pop had on the TV.
I was waiting for the first GOP presidential debate to come on. Since I was in the perfect position to do what I do best in front of the TV. which is fall asleep. I was trying to entertain myself and stay awake, while waiting for the debate to begin.
I was flipping through the channels until I came upon a station with something that looked familiar.
These people... I know them all. And these words coming out of their mouths, they, too, have an air of familiarity about them. Somehow somewhere. I have hoard all of this before.
Then I realized what I was watching. It was an infomercial for the old Hee Haw television series. For those of you old enough to understand the reference. Hee Haw was the country version of Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In, a popular hour-long ensemble variety show of its day with well-known celebrities offering up corny jokes and bad puns. It was very different from what passes for humor today, adolescent behavior and moronic stupidity.
As I was flipping back and forth between channels, I must have fallen asleep. I'm sure I did. There could be no other explanation, unless... no, it couldn't have been.
There was this loudmouth guy who worked hard to get all the attention. I;m sure it was Archie Campbell. No, wait. Maybe it was Donald Trump.
The next thing I knew, I clearly heard Trump giving out John Kasich's personal telephone number... BR-549.
There was this nice looking but boring fellow who resembled Buck Owens. or was it Jeb! (please don't use the name Bush)?
That old cranky guy with the high-pitched voice... could that have been Rand Paul, or was it Grandpa Jones?
Scott Walker could have been either one of the Hager twins, or maybe both. That way he could lake two positions at once, something any politician could appreciate.
The clear, resilient voice and big smile... it had to be Roy Clark, or was it Marco Rubio?
I know I saw Junior Samples hawking a used car at least thought I did. Or was it just Ted Cruz, pushing his plan eliminate the IRS?
Was that Ben Carson? No just tonight's music guest, Charlie Pride.
it was bard to pick out Mike Huckabee from this Hee Haw lineup. That's because everyone from Hee Haw reminded you of Mike Huckabee.
As I was coming out of so semi-slumber, there could be mistake no about this one. It was definitely the governor of New Jersey. That wasn't hard at all. C'mon, when has Chris Christie ever mistaken for Stringbean?
Yes, I knew I was finally awake and the Republican debate was over.
Or at least I thought it was, until I heard Ted Cruz singing that old Roy Clark classic, this time dedicated to Hillary Clinton.
"Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone."
I think I ate too much seafood.