CAWTHON'S CATHARSIS - "The Devil Made Me Do It"

(08/23/2006)

2006

I was once enrolled in The Payroll with an older woman who was always reminding me in a motherly fashion that an idle mind is the Devil’s workshop.

We both knew that our bosses had been deputized by the Prince of Darkness and that I was fast becoming a master craftsman in the Bottomless Pit.

That was another time and place. In later years my mind has been fully engaged in writing these thought provoking, intellectually stimulating, and life changing columns for the Herald.

But, alas, just recently, as my mind was completely absorbed in my column preparations, the Herald shut down for several days. Once again, I found that I was idling along and drifting into that dark nether region.

I realized that the hoofed one would soon be on my trail, so to revive my mental shutdown, which some older folks call a “senior moment,” but which I more up to date call a “Microsoft glitch,” I let the little scan bar in my head float across as it does to clear a cyber mind and when it had finished I found myself in Big Puf. (Big Puf is not usually known as an oasis of the mind, but neither am I known as computer competent.)

Always a big summer event in the Tri-Holler region is the huge tent revival of the Reverend Les Pedeza and his rollicking, galloping Gospel Crusade, featuring the dulcet voices of the breezy Cyclone sisters who have shown many a man the way to heaven.

Also, on the circuit this year was little Emil Finklemyer, the six-year-old “baby evangelist,” who legend has it began speaking in unknown tongues the moment he emerged from his mother’s womb.

To top it all off, was the Swinging Pearly Gates Quartet, consisting of five members of gospel harmony. (I know a quartet is supposed to consist of four members, but if you have noticed, most have five, including the piano player who sings along. I just report this stuff; you figure it out.)

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