OF PRINCIPALITIES AND POWERS - “A Stadium for Arnie”

(01/18/2006)

By Tony Russell

Host: “Good evening. Our guest tonight is Norb Maybite, who’s heading up a drive to replace Arnold Schwarzenegger’s stadium. Norb, could you fill us in on what’s behind this campaign you’ve launched?”

Guest: “Sure thing, Mel. The situation, in a nutshell, is this. Some folks back in Arnie’s hometown, Graz, Austria, got upset when Arnie pulled the plug on ‘Tookie’ Williams. Over there in Europe, a lot of folks think there’s something wrong with killing people in cold blood, even when it’s state sanctioned.

“So the way it developed, the people in Graz were gonna pull Arnie’s name off the stadium they had named in his honor earlier. That would have been pretty embarrassing for the guv, so he beat ‘em to the punch and demanded they take his name off. But that leaves Arnie without a stadium.”

Host: “Are you saying you think people in Austria are out of touch with California values, Norb?”

Guest: “You bet your life. Over here, it’s just not justice unless there’s a body to show you mean business.”

Host: “What kind of stadium are we talking about, Norb?”

Guest: “Well, the one in Graz was a nice little fifteen-thousand seater. What we’d like to do is get him a stadium on more of an American scale, say an eighty- to a hundred-thousand seater.”

Host: “Are we talking about a new stadium here, Norb, or a used one?”

Guest: “The problem with a new stadium, Mel, is the construction time. We’d like something where we could stage major events within, oh, the next six months. We think we could get a reconditioned stadium with a five-year warranty for less than half the price of a new one. It’d be suitable for religious revivals, right-wing rantfests, things of that nature, and if you rented it out for weddings and other sports events, it would practically pay for itself.”

Host: “I don’t know if you can talk about it at this stage, but do you have any prospects in mind?”

Guest: “It’s no secret, Mel, that we’re in negotiations with the Rose Bowl folks. That’s a nice stadium, got a good tradition we could tap into, a huge upside.”

Host” “That’s pretty exciting stuff. If you can swing the deal, what kinds of changes do you have in mind?”

... Read more at   readtonyrussell.blogspot.com


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