CAWTHON’S CATHARSIS – Gray Bandoliers “Miffed”

(04/09/2001)

By Jack Cawthon

CORRECTION AND MODIFICATION: I had a frantic telephone call from Burvil who sounded absolutely terrified. He said that Granny Pratlow was threatening to bring her Gray Bandoliers militia into Big Puf and “shoot up the place” if corrections weren’t made in a recent Herald profile. I told him to have Granny call me and I would set the record straight, as we say in journalism.

Instead, Gertrude Primrose, who had retired after 30 years as a PR specialist in a Washington, D.C., agency that had something to do with national security, or the lack thereof, and who was now serving as Granny’s PR spokesperson, called. I’m not going to mess around with what she said, as like Burvil, I can be intimidated also, so here is the statement unadultryated:

“Grandmother Pratlow (aka Granny Pratlow) was most disturbed with the comments attributed to her in a recent presentation by Jack Cawthon, who appears to be the usual run-of-the-mill reporter (Cawthon note: This hurts!) who inserts his own views and opinions into his writings to achieve sensationalism. (Another Cawthon note: Senior citizens who carry automatic weapons are pretty sensational in their own right!)

“The Gray Bandoliers movement was begun to remove the control of government from the everyday lives of us seniors (not “old folks” as Cawthon has been known to allude, and not always spelling “folks” correctly). We seek to be let alone, to enjoy life in our Golden Years as outlined in various AARP literature and Congressional hearings, and without the intervention of government actions.

“We want only the respect which goes with advanced years, along with more Social Security, better Medicare benefits, more senior centers, free meals at those centers or delivered on site, more structured activities with specialized leadership training and certainly more respect for our delicate sensitivities or else we will be forced to demonstrate our senior power.” And here the conversation was drowned out by heavy weapons fire.

I got the point, as they said in the days of chivalry, and I certainly hope you do too. I ain’t going back to check any facts in this story, even if it means not winning a “Wurlitzer.”


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